Write or Wrong? Writing Stargate SG-1

"Stargate is a tough show to write for," continues Glassner. "One of the reasons for this is that we want to give something to all of our leads to do in every episode and occasionally that's a challenge if the plot centres on just one of them."

Jonathan Glassner, Executive  Producer, Stargate SG-1 Seasons One - Three.

PhoenixE: An open letter to Mr. Joseph Mallozzi part seven: humour continued

The Tomb

My apologies for keeping you waiting so long for this next instalment. I've had a spot of bother occur in my real life affairs that have temporarily made continuing with this extremely difficult.  No doubt experiencing difficulty is a state of being you can relate to at the moment.

First, off, I have to say, you lot have been very naughty this season when it comes to the nature of the episode spoilers you've been disseminating to various factions of us online folk.  How do I mean naughty?  I mean the spoilers were, in a lot of cases, how shall we say this - not exactly accurate.

We were informed certain episodes would contain content we were demanding and not getting - on both the ship and the J/D side - a certain slant, emphasis on a particular character or relationship or just in general led to believe we'd be the seeing things we'd been asking to see in these episodes based on the spoiler details we were 'fed' and when the ep in question aired, we discovered it was not exactly as advertised.  In some cases, not even close.

This episode being a case in point.  We were told this was a DANIEL episode.  Oh yes, it was.  Well, the title should say it all, right?  The whole thing was taking place in a Babylonian ziggurat so there should be PLENTY of opportunities for an archaeologist to shine.  Daniel should be indispensable to the team in this one, and be involved in a major part of the action.  His expertise should be invaluable.  Yes!

Well, in fact, he was invaluable to the team and his knowledge was used to save their asses and get them out of the trap  - but.....

Basically I've never seen a cleverer way a character whose actual presence saved the day and whose specialised knowledge allowed the team to escape was made to seem completely insignificant to most of the story even while he was essential to its successful resolution.  Daniel was 'there' and yet not there at all through most of the action  - marginalized in most of an episode where due to his unique abilities he should have had a pivotal role and only appearing as exposition and as a blatant plot device  - pulled out of a hat at the beginning to get them into the trap and at the end to get them out of it.

In between, he stood in a room and translated a wall.  While everyone else basically abandoned him and ran around pointlessly in the ziggurat playing silly bugger and getting all the red shirt Russians but one killed.

This makes about as much sense - and is about as FAIR to the character - as sending Sam out to get coffee while the team fills in for her in a scenario which is heavily technologically based and geared towards requiring the skills only she can bring to bear for the mission.  But because it's Daniel it's okay to slight the character and his belittle his importance to the team by largely ignoring him in a setting and context requiring HIS unique skills and where he is the most useful and logical character to get centre stage.

I say the team ran around pointlessly because they had an expert with them who was doubtless as familiar (and would have made sure he was before embarking on the mission) with the probable internal layout of a Babylonian Ziggurat as he demonstrated he knew enough about the layout of Egyptian temple complexes to clue them into the probable existence of the escape tunnel in Seth (see, it always pays to watch the past episodes, you'll never know what you can learn) to be able to tell them whether or not there was in fact an alternate way out of the trap and if there was any point to running around looking for it.  Which there wasn't, as we find out, they were standing on the only other way out all along  - and if they had asked the expert they could have avoided unnecessary stupidity by splitting up their forces and leaving themselves vulnerable to attack by an unknown alien creature inhabited by a Goa'uld they already knew was more than capable of taking out a seasoned and experienced Russian commando team leader.

So, not a Daniel episode at all. When it certainly should have been one and there was no excuse for it not being one.  This was the first joke of the piece, and it was on us.  There were plenty more to follow.

Okey dokey, teaser scene, we're off to a great start.  A door that only Daniel can open.  A clever and plausible way to bring the unique contribution he has to offer to the team into play.  Looking forward to seeing him solve the puzzle.  However, when Sam uncovers the evidence the Russians have been there before them, if I was Daniel, looking at that closed door, a number of questions would have immediately sprung to my mind before I even got back to Earth and got to the briefing.

Hey, even though I'm not Daniel those questions still sprang into my mind before I'd had a chance to see the next scene and get the very same information he got.

Mainly - given that the Russians clearly were there at some point in time and the fact the door is now CLOSED - what should that tell us?

1:  They couldn't get the door open, gave up and went away.
2:  They DID get the door open, but if they did - why is it now closed?  Did they in fact close it behind them when they left?  Or.....was it closed ON them.

If I was Daniel, the 'or' would definitely be concerning me.  That closed door is a something which shouldn't be ignored, especially when they discover, it would seem the Russian team never came returned from the mission.

Actually by the time they get through the initial briefing scene is where I start chuckling because the entire justification for bringing in the Russian team is preposterous.

Daniel:  If they went through the gate before everyone at the Russian base was killed they could still be out there.

Sam:  It's doubtful they would have survived this long.  The planet's surface temperature averages a hundred and thirty five degrees F in the shade.

Jack:  Shade.  I don't remember shade.

Daniel:  They could have taken shelter in the temple.

(but then what did they eat for ten months?  Each other? Another possible explanation for the skeleton with teeth marks all over it?  Snort!)

Jack:  Oh, so they figured out how to open the door.

(and if they did - why is it now closed?  Did they close it deliberately, or did they become trapped?  Closed door plus the failure of the team to return immediately suggests to me they became trapped in the tomb, were unable to escape, and therefore now HAVE to be dead.  Simply from starvation.)

However, Jack and Sam suggest another reason why they did not return...

Teal'c:  Should they not have attempted to return by now.

Sam:  Not without exposing their operation.  They could still be waiting for some kind of signal.

Jack:  She's got a point sir, Russian commandos can be pretty hard core.  They'd wait forever before they'd violate mission protocol.

Oh really? They'd wait on a planet with an average surface planet of a hundred and thirty five degrees?  For ten months?  Without food and water? Russian commandos might be hard core, but are they also stupid as well?  I think not.

Oh, I expect they had plans to wait somewhere, all right, once they had  completed their mission and found the Eye.  It probably would have taken some time for whoever smuggled them through the gate to co-ordinate engineering the return trip (he'd have to not only use the gate 'after hours' but make sure the return trip didn't conflict with any SGC scheduled missions) and give them their recall signal to come on home but....given as the wait could have been for a while I HARDLY think they'd have planned to do it on 'fry your brains in the shade' world.

Besides, they wouldn't NEED to.  No earthly reason why they SHOULD have.

And it's highly unlikely they would or planned to because the Russians undoubtedly grasped a concept the writers don't seem to be able to.  THE GATE GOES TO OTHER PLACES.

Why in the frigging WORLD would the Russian team hang in that godforsaken place once they'd gotten the goodies when they could have scooted out to an alternate, far more hospitable location to pass the time in? Which they could have already selected and were planning to go to as the second part of the mission.  If they weren't all idiots, that is.

There is only one logical reason to suppose the Russian team would still be there, and that is if they were prevented from exercising part two of their plan - bugging out to another world to wait for their signal to come home -  by being - um - trapped.  That closed door - don't forget the closed door...

Which means if they are still there, they are long dead.  What do we need the second Russian team for?  To help bring home the bodies? As a matter of fact, why are we even GOING on this mission?

If in fact they are still alive and 'out there' - waiting to come home because the Russian gate was closed before they could be recalled they sure haven't been doing it squatting in the Ziggy for the past ten months.  Come on!

Only an idiot would believe they'd still hiding in that tomb ten months down the road waiting for their call to come home. If such a thing was even possible, which it isn't because they'd have run out of rations and water long before the ten months was up.  And only a total idiot of a commander would have let his team go to that planet and be STRANDED there without another address to gate to if even the slightest chance existed things could go wrong and his team could get cut off from getting to come home again.

Would Jack allow this to happen to SG-1?  Even dense Jack?  Please.

The previous Russian team are either long dead or long gone.  Either way there are no Russian personnel lurking in the Ziggurat waiting to be rescued or whatever,  No need for the second Russian team to be called in for the return trip.  However the fact we are expected to believe SG-1 and General Hammond would believe even the remotest possibility exists there are still Russians alive on site is pretty funny.

Question?  What exactly is Jack's problem with Russians?  He was equally pissy with Svetlana Markov in Watergate.  Without SOME sort of explanation for his attitude (Those dirty bastards, they killed my brother  - something) his knee jerk hostile reaction to the word 'Russian' smacks uncomfortably of prejudice and narrow minded bigotry.  Yet another 'attractive' personality quirk you've decided to saddle our poor, tarnished colonel with?  Let's see, what are we up to now?  What sort of man is the 'new improved' Season Five version of Jack shaping  up to be?

From what we've seen to date, with time off for good behaviour in Beast of Burden and Between Two Fires he's stupid, vain, petty, selfish,   arrogant, hostile, rude, insensitive, intolerant, narrow minded, inconsiderate, impatient, belligerent and now, a bigot.

You want us to LIKE this man, right?  He's supposed to be the star of the show?  The hero?  Just checking.

But oh look, he's also observant.  Jack notices right away one of the Russians is A WOMAN!  Woo!  Way to go, Colonel!

Ah, and then we get to meet the Russians.  Oh look, another thinly disguised  pseudo SG-1.  With the 'fake' team in Wormhole X-Treme that makes two Mary Sue versions of the originals in one season.  It even looks like the Russian 'Daniel' (who seems rather creepily taken with OUR Daniel - and is interestingly enough the member of the Russian team to get to be the 'host' - not going to speculate on what this could mean) not only likes his coffee, but has to interpret, run interference for, and smooth over the diplomatic faux pas of his excitable and at times slightly less than PC colonel just like our Daniel does.  Isn't that cute?

Colonel Zukov dies in this one, right?  He asked Sam out on a date, didn't he, before they went on the mission, but the scene was cut so we didn't get to see him do it.

Fast-forwarding through the HUGE non-surprise the Russians were after goodies as well (why should they be any different than us) and the hilarious two alpha colonel pissing contest.  (My gun is bigger than your gun - yeah, but didn't yours come from Yugoslavia?)

Okay, point to the good for Jack. After all the complaining he's been doing he has the grace to acknowledge Daniel did good getting the door open.  But now that he has...

Further quibbles about characterisation:

Given the fact Daniel had to open the door in the first place  presents at least the possibility it can be CLOSED as well as opened no one should have set foot in the thing until Daniel checked it out on the inside to see if there was some way to open it from the inside.  At the very least the possibility there could be some kind of booby trap that tripped the door closed inside should have occurred to SOMEONE - certainly Daniel.  The door didn't close itself any more than it opened itself.  And seeing as how the closed door represents a very real. plausible and potentially dangerous explanation for why the previous team was never heard from again it would seem to me the teams would want to be DAMNED sure the same thing wouldn't happen to them.

Also, given Daniel's previously well documented tendency to thoroughly research his subjects, and the general responsibility he holds towards doing his job correctly, even if prior to this he didn't know much about Ziggurats you can just bet he boned up with a vengeance as part of his mission prep.  Therefore his 'I don't know' when Jack asks him which way...

Not only all the better to have them split up and wander around aimlessly just prior to stupidly stumbling into trouble, but really sloppy characterisation.  And a great way to make sure the archaeologist doesn't get anything more to do than absolute bare minimum.  We needed him to get the door open, couldn't get around that one, but now they're in all we don't have to use him any more if we don't want to, we'll just let him trail after Jack looking perplexed until we can walk him to the wall he gets to translate for the rest of the ep then we can dump him there and forget about him 'til we need him again at the end to get the team out of the trap.  Perfect.  It'll play.

No it won't.  I can't tell you how stupid the team looks from this point onward, but I'm gonna give it a try.  Because the ways in which various members of the team inexplicably do NOT do not only what their characters normally would in many of the situations that follow, but what any person with an ounce of common sense would do - as I said before the amusement value of this script is rather high, simply if you count the number of dumb moves made by the various participants in the course of the episode.  The only explanation I can come up with is everyone took stupid pills prior to embarking on the mission.  Sam got a double dose.  I'll explain later...

So, they find the skeleton (which has a lot of clothing left on it for something that was supposedly gnawed clean 'flesh stripped right from the bones' by something with nasty, pointy teeth.  What did the monster do, strip the corpse, consume and then dress it again?

I will admit to laughing out loud when both Jack and Zukov 'challenged' the body. "Identify yourself'.  Sorry, dead guy, can't hear you.  Even though we couldn't see it was a skeleton at first, again, simple logic would tell you - and certainly should have told them - dead men can't give you their name, rank and serial number.

And speaking of the unknown snacker.  SG-1 now knows there was - at one time - something roaming these halls that EATS PEOPLE.  They don't know anything else about it - how big it is, whether it is still alive or not, only that it can and has subdued a Russian soldier and um - partaken.

Jack in particular should be fairly alarmed by this.  The last time he was in a situation like this - in Thor's Hammer, the people eater was a rather large and extremely DANGEROUS Unas.  Finding this body was a fairly significant discovery.  And on the basis of it Jack should have been aborting the mission and calling everyone out.

There was no need for them to set one more foot into that ziggurat.  They'd just found out what they needed to know.  Just fulfilled their mission.  Which was - if I am not mistaken - to ascertain the status of the Russian team and provide assistance/rescue if in fact they were still alive and needed it.

They aren't, and they don't.  The team has been located.  Status ascertained.  They don't need to find the rest of the bodies to know all of them are dead. Simple logic would tell them that.  What they do need to do is get the f**k out of there while they still can before they suffer the same fate - end up being trapped and very possibly eaten as well.

The Russians might have had a technological agenda on this one but SG-1 didn't. Jack tells us as much later.  It's a 'rescue' mission, SG-1 is not there look for the Eye. As soon as they found that body and learned what had happened to it why wasn't Jack on the radio calling the other team back?  At the very least why the HELL didn't he tell Zukov there was probably something in there with them that ATE people?  He reports finding the body and says only 'exercise extreme caution'.  Without telling Zukov what he needs to be cautious about?  Huh?

Why does Teal'c act like a  bump on a log during the whole 'tripping the trap sequence?  Not only does he NOT report into HIS CO the instant they make the discovery but he just stands there and says 'you are disobeying a direct order' but doesn't DO anything to try and stop them.  You're gonna tell me they're gonna argue with a determined Jaffa with a staff weapon planting himself in front of a sarc intoning 'none shall pass by order of Colonel O'Neill?'  Why bother sending Teal'c with them at all?

Surprise, surprise, it's a trap.  Gee, they had absolutely no warning such a possibility existed at all.  If you ignore the closed door.  Which they  did.  And ooops, scratch one Russian.  Or should that be 'squish'.

Hey, what's Jack doing  hugging one of the Russians?  Oh wait, it's okay, it's the girl.  The pseudo Sam.  Awww, isn't that nice.  Touching how willing he is to give aid and comfort to a complete stranger.  He can't seem to manage an 'are you all right' for some of his team mates (one in particular) but he has no problem hugging the distressed  lady Russian.

More cranky Jack with the opening of the sarc.  At least now everyone knows there's very likely a crawling people eater somewhere in there with them.  Or at least there was one ten months ago.  Still, given they know absolutely nothing about it - most importantly how big it is or how bullet-proof/resistant it might be, how do they intend to proceed?

Bearing in mind there is probably some THING out there - that they know nothing about  except it eats people and it spent four thousand years in a sarc but because it had to have fit in there originally, that at least puts a limit on it's possible SIZE - Jack decides they are going to run around the ziggy looking for an exit and the other bodies.

This is dumb.  If there IS no other exit (which Daniel either should have known or said in response to Jack's question -  maybe mention of another exit isn't in THIS part of the text, but there's lots more, why don't you let me translate it, see where we stand and then if it gives us no clues we'll risk going out there with god knows what waiting for us.),  then sallying forth blindly into the murder/death/lunch zone  trying to find something which doesn't exist is stupid. Especially if there's a monster out there lying in wait for stupid people wandering around just asking to be eaten.  And what the hell do they need to find the bodies for?  To verify they're dead?  Of COURSE they're dead!

Also, I'd say the fact they've found one body would strongly suggest there is in fact, no other way out.  At least not one the Russian team was able to find. Or they'd have - um - gone.   Which is in fact verified by the statement in the journal they find.  'There is no escape.'  So, the guy knew he was trapped with no possible escape and he took his cyanide pill rather than wait around for the monster to get there and eat him as well.

'There is no way out', is kind of conclusive. So why, oh why, after they have been TOLD there is no escape route to find do they still continue to run around doggedly looking for one?

This is an unbelievably bone-headed tactical decision.  Jack should get his knuckles rapped for this one.  For starters.  What, has the man never watched a horror movie?  Everyone knows the last thing you do when there's a monster in the house is to split up and go in different directions.  Might as well just ring the dinner gong for the monster and save a lot of time.

Safety in numbers isn't just a cliché, it's a sound survival tactic.  The team were all together in a location they could defend.  If there was anything in there prowling around looking for lunch better they all stayed put and made it come after them and come out into the open where they could deal with it as a group.  Once the thing was DEAD then if they positively, absolutely felt they HAD to keep busy while they were waiting for Daniel to translate the wall by looking for something they were told they would never be able to find and in fact, wouldn't have found by looking anywhere else but the room where Daniel was because it was right under their feet in the chamber where they'd left Daniel, then okay, but...

But noooo, our guys have to pair off and start stumbling around in a dark, gloomy, crumbling ziggurat (they seem completely unconcerned by the possibility the thing could to cave in on them even after they learn two members of the previous team were killed in a tunnel collapse, in fact they seem completely unconcerned about the creature, even, as they casually stroll  about while the guy up in the rafters dumps handfuls of sand down on them from time  to time to add to the mouldering 'ambience' and all) where a people eating monster of unknown size, capabilities and appetite is lurking. And - I totally can't believe THIS one - they all take off and leave behind the one person they REALLY can't afford to lose.  Only the only one who knows anything about the location they are in and who can translate what might be (and if fact proves to be) the key to them getting out of there.

Daniel gets eaten - for sure everyone is dead.  And yet they frigging all go bumbling out and LEAVE HIM ALONE. With god only knows what prowling about looking for it's next meal. And no one seems to have a problem with this, including Daniel.  Logically he'd be the first one the monster would go after, because he IS alone.  Nice that Jack finally DOES think of him though, when the creature finally does strike.  He's the first one Jack checks in with to see if he's okay.

Just a brief observation here.  I know all the interminable strolling through the ziggurat was supposed to be scary and suspenseful but never-ending shots of the guys waltzing along dimly lit tunnels where you can't see what the crap is going on and nothing is really happening but them strolling and swinging their guns around and, crap, more strolling isn't suspenseful, its annoying and boring. It didn't work in this ep and it didn't work in Desperate Measures either.  I didn't quite reach the point in this one as I did in DM where I was lying on the floor gasping 'Please - please - ENOUGH with the creeping already,  we GET it - now, will someone, something JUMP OUT at them already and put me out of my misery. Bring on the monster - PLEASE!'

But it was close.

I was remarkably un scared by the entire scenario. (As well as unimpressed).  Not only did I never get a real sense from any of the events any of the people we cared about were ever in any real danger (that's what all the red shirts were there for, convenient cannon fodder) - hilarious rubber octopus skittering across a wall and fish-eyed lens monster cam shots of the next victim notwithstanding - but the entire scenario was so hackneyed and cliched.  Your standard, by the numbers, B monster movie plot. We know exactly how it was going to play out and what was going to happen next. We've seen it all before, hundreds of times.  Trust me, no matter what you were going for, 'Alien' this AIN'T.

Your group trapped in the spooky place.  They discover (shudder) they are NOT ALONE.  Wooooooooooo..... there's a SHOCKER.  Next move - we have to make sure the expendable characters do the usual stoopid stuff people do in these movies to make themselves as susceptible as possible to being eaten.  There isn't even any surprise about the casualty list. We know how many 'victims' there are going to be, who they are going to be and in what order and by what 'monster' they're going to be taken out.

We have a 'monster' and a Goa'uld.  And three red shirts.  Which means at least one of them is going to get taken out by the monster first and one of them is going to be Goa'ulded.  (With the spare red shirt for the heroic sacrifice at the end, just in case.  Whatever happens, the pains you've taken to make Zukov look like the unprincipled villain, for sure HE'S not making it out alive.  And you're probably not going to Goa'uld the Russian chick because you've already done the 'Male Goa'uld in a female host' thing and we all know how you don't like redoing stuff that's already been done).

At this point I'm looking at my watch wondering how long it's going to take the monster to jump either the chick or the Russian Daniel.  Well - it has to be one or the other, it's certainly not going to eat one of OUR team - or Goa'uld them for that matter - and it won't be Zukov because he and Jack are having sooo much fun pissing on each other's boots over who's de boss.  And he's your clear favourite and Jack substitute for the episode so you're going to hold onto him as long as you can.

So we know one or both of those Russian kids are toast, it's just a matter of when and how.  And if I care enough about trying to stay awake long enough to actually find out.

There's only one really, really FASCINATING idea in this script and its possibilities are completely wasted on a tired, unoriginal, no surprises storyline.  Everybody is gonna run around 'til we get through the two clearly telegraphed monster attacks that are on the agenda and then 'stuck in a room translating a wall' boy is gonna whip out a 'get out of the ziggy free' card at the last minute.  Before the monster runs out of red shirts and decides it's time to start lunching on the first team.

I have to tell you, the monster was hysterical. I don't know when it was funnier, watching it scamper across the wall or seeing the brave Jaffa prodding and cutting open the rubber chicken carcass.  I have some problems with the idea the Goa'uld could inhabit it but I did some thinking as to possible explanations as to how it could.  And that got me thinking about what really cool things you could have done with this story, but didn't.

One of my friends on list who is a biologist and I had quite a discussion a while back about the biological viability of the Goa'uld.  Trying to come up with some way they would actually, logically be biologically  possible.  I gotta tell you, from a biological standpoint, according to my friend, who should know - um, the Goa'uld don't really make a lot of sense.  We spent a lot of time on the problem of  Goa'uld's brain for starters.  How can you have a sentient, intelligent being with a braincase as small as a Goa'uld? Well you can't not really, unless something else is going on.

Are they essentially, two different orders of intelligence depending on whether or not they gots a 'bod'?  Without a host are they essentially mostly instinctual, barely sentient beings full of this genetic memory stuff, possessing the latent potential for actualisation and higher thought and the development of personality and true self awareness which they are only able to realise upon taking a host which then enables them to tap into the new external neural network they can now access to extend and expand their intelligence through using the host's higher cognitive capabilities?

Which would mean, if this was the case,  they could only be as 'smart' as the brain capacity of the host would allow them to be.  If a cat is incapable of being self aware, than a Goa'uld couldn't be either, if it was using one as a host.

We figured it had to be something like that because there was no way something that small could have a brain that compared to ours.  Which further made me figure that while a Goa'uld symbiote COULD briefly inhabit the body of a creature that wasn't self aware in a desperate survival situation, because the brain wasn't developed enough to allow for higher intelligence going this route wouldn't be their first choice and might actually be dangerous and 'trap' them in the body because once they forgot how to think they wouldn't realise they could and should transfer to something with more brain power.   A Goa'uld could live in a dog, for example if it absolutely, positively HAD to in order to survive but it couldn't think like a human as long as it was in the dog.  The type of awareness it is able to achieve is limited by the size  and type of brain of the host.

That's furthermore the only explanation I can come up for as to why Marduk is stupid enough to hang around in that ziggurat for ten months after he is let out of the sarc.

Why didn't he just use the rings and get the hell out of Dodge?  He knew where they were!  It's his frigging Ziggurat!  It says right in the text Daniel translates for us he used to use them.  So why didn't he use his little monster tentacles to ring himself out of there?

Or better yet, why didn't he use his monster venom to immobilise a member of the original Russia team, then jump into him and neutralise the venom, then use the rings and get out with his nice new host?   Instead of short sightedly  eating his future new domicile and best chance for escaping?

Unless - as long as he was in the monster he wasn't able to think beyond the animalistic, instinctive, predatory instincts of the monster's limited awareness.  Wasn't able to make the mental leap he had to leap out  and take a human to be human again.  Didn't feel driven to leave until survival forced him out of the monster body into a human and when he was finally in a human again, got his brain back.  So to speak.

As long as I think of it in these terms - being in the monster made him too 'stupid' to remember how to escape, then the Marduk hanging around makes sense, otherwise Marduk's actions in remaining in a ziggy he knew how to get out of waiting for people to arrive he had no reason to expect would show up is...you guessed it....dumb...

However, if you combine this with what I was referring to above, the one really creepy and interesting idea in the script - Marduk's host being eaten alive in the sarc for who knows how long - what you could have had here was a chance to explore an extremely fascinating character - an insane Goa'uld.  The rubber chicken monster wasn't what was scary - Marduk driven mad first by being lunch for so long and then being trapped in the slime mind of the creature that was eating him.  Momma - that could have been REALLY excellent!

What you SHOULD have done was ditch the monster and have Marduk jump into one of the Russians practically at the beginning.  You could have set the whole standard monster plot right on it's ear - and turned around the (yawn) us against them thing with the Russians (not to mention the tired - covert mission, secret orders,  just here to get the goodies, out to get the job done no matter what it takes crap) as well by having this crazed Goa'uld - who knew the terrain intimately because he's on his home turf - running around trying to get its hands on our people because he mistakenly believes they're the priests who rebelled and locked him up because he's bonkers and now he wants to exact his pound of flesh.  All of a sudden everyone learns to get along real fast with survival being the order of the day.  Instead of them walking aimlessly around practically screaming 'VICTIM here'. there could have been much frantic scrambling, running, fleeing, fighting. Some really tense and  dramatic stuff. You could even have worked up a battle of wits between Daniel and Marduk as Daniel's knowledge of the layout is the only thing keeping them one step ahead of the Goa'uld.  All sorts of possibilities which would have been far more interesting that what we actually got to see.

Okay,  the scene where Colonel Zukov finds the Eye right under Teal'c's nose.  Again - ARGH!!!!  Geez, if Daniel is a plot device in this one, well than Teal'c is a post!  He knows damned well the Russians are looking for this 'Eye', and that it wasn't in the sarc.  That means the previous team undoubtedly found it, and if they did, odds are it's somewhere in the gear they've just found.  At the very least Teal'c wouldn't discount the possibility until he'd checked for himself and he certainly wouldn't stupidly let Colonel Z get a hold of it behind his back.  Grrrr!!!!

This scene explains the incongruity of Teal'c being paired with Zukov on this trip out when Jack has up 'til now - and then again after this trip - been very careful to keep Zukov where he can see him.  Teal'c is being given his equal opportunity to be just as dumb as the rest of the team.

Just wondering - considering the first Russian team undoubtedly found the sarc as quickly as the second, and while it might have taken them a long time to get into the sarc, as soon as they let the monster out they were basically running for their lives - when did the Russian archaeologist have time to make that detailed drawing of the Eye he so thoughtfully put in his journal?  You would think, knowing as he did his hours were numbered, and he had the Eye right with him, he wouldn't have bothered wasting his time drawing the thing.  The drawing is spectacularly detailed, and obviously took a lot of time, care and precision - I just have a hard time believing a man who was in the state of mind he must have been - scared out of his mind, knowing he was alone, trapped and next on the menu  waiting for some icky thing to come and eat him - he'd be able to be CALM enough to be capable of drawing it.  Never mind feel it was necessary to do it.

But lucky for us he somehow found a way or Daniel - and we -  wouldn't have had that convenient visual aid letting us all know exactly what the Eye looked like and confirming for us WE knew something SG-1 didn't know....

Again, just another observation, along the ironic lines you could have made Daniel make, by way of making a little commentary on the price of secrecy.  If Britski (or however you spell the man's name) had taken the time to translate the wall it still wouldn't have made any difference to the outcome Still wouldn't have saved them.  Because he was unfamiliar with Goa'uld technology the reference to the beam of light would have been meaningless to him.  So even though he'd been given the vital clue to the escape route the team was seeking - he didn't know it.  If Britski had understood and known what to look for it's possible the previous Russian team could have escaped.  Shame, damned shame they all died when a little knowledge would have made all the difference.  Knowledge Britski was not able to have access to because all information about Goa'uld technology was classified.

It would also have been a great way of 'plugging' the loophole of why Britski didn't use the rings and get the hell out of there once he'd given the wall a once over for the same reason Daniel did.  Looking for clues to a way out.... Assuming of course the information Maybourne supplied to the Russian Stargate program was shy on details like the existence of transport rings and such...

Ah, Sam the sniffer dog returns!  We haven't seen her use her uncanny powers to spot the Goa'uld in positively ages.  What a treat!

After Daniel reads them the journal, particularly the entry 'I'm all alone now, there is no escape, only one course of action remains' and they learn the rest of the team is definitely dead,  I am completely at a loss why Jack says 'we're not done searching yet.'

They're not?  What the hell are they looking for?  Better opportunities to offer themselves up as future hosts for the Goa'uld? Hell,  they're stupid enough to do this they DESERVE to get Goa'ulded!

There is absolutely NO logical reason for them to continue to be wandering around in the hallways - except this is the only way to have part two of the 'scary' monster plot unfold.  The GOA'ULDING.  You couldn't have made it more obvious that's what was going to happen next when you show us the composition of the teams in the next scene.

Seeing Sam and Teal'c paired off on the next leg of 'pointlessly strolling through the ziggy' had me on the floor in stitches.  Let's talk logical deployment of your forces, here.

We have six people still functional.  TWO of them are able to sense the Goa'uld. Four of them are not.  You're a colonel, with lots of field and tactical experience. Supposedly. Even if you are dense.  How would you logically deploy your forces so as to best utilise your sole advantage over the enemy and provide the maximum number of your personnel possible with this advantage?

Oh, I know, You'd pair off the only two people who can sense the enemy with EACH OTHER and allow the other four people to stumble around blind.  How better to set one of them up for getting the Goa'uld.

But, the hilarity does not stop here.

Some chuckling definitely ensued upon viewing the brief scene where Vallarin stupidly sallies forth solo to meet his new master (and we have no doubt at all once he leaves Daniel he's the one ear-marked for the honour) during which Daniel expresses perfectly justified apprehension at being left alone he didn't seem to suffer from when he was abandoned with his wall the first time -

After more wandering and colonel pissing (by the way, where are all the overhead lights coming from?  The chamber where Jack and Zukov have their stand-off is pretty well lit for a four thousand year old ziggurat) we have the scene which gets my vote for the single stupidest act ever committed by a character in the entire course of the series.

Previous to this ep Jack took the honours, in BTS, for the dumbest thing ever done by a member of SG-1 for his bone-headed admission to the commissioner he knew about the slave labour, a huge, huge mistake he then even MORE stupidly compounded by informing him he was going to tattle and make sure the treaty was off, basically all but handing himself and his team over to be brainwashed and enslaved.  This was a horrendously stupid move, but what Sam does in this scene utterly takes the cake for dumbness.

Bearing in mind she and Teal'c are the only two people they can be sure aren't Goa'ulded, and finding out who has the snake is simply a matter of a process of elimination once they get close enough to the possible candidates to sense the passenger - and THEIR sole advantage over 50 percent of the potential host population of the ziggy (Jack and Daniel know they would be able to sniff out the Goa'uld, therefore so would the Goa'uld if it was in one of them, but Zukov and Vallarin would NOT know Sam could detect it) is SURPRISE, what does Sam do?

She REPORTS to her CO - who by now could be the Goa'uld, in the hearing of Zukov - who could ALSO be the Goa'uld - that she and Teal'c KNOW the Goa'uld has switched hosts and could be in one of them.  For all she knows she's just tipped off the Goa'uld they're on to him. Unbelievable.

Jack can now hold his head up high.  Sam has just outdone him on the 'too dumb to live' scale.  Really, truly unbelievable.

As is the absolutely preposterous result of Sam's report of Jack and Zukov standing there like twin buttheads holding their guns on each other playing a stupid, macho 'You're the Goa'uld - no YOU ARE.  No YOU are' game with each other.  Jesus. Tsk, tsk.

All they both had to do was calmly walk out together and find Sam and/or Teal'c and their little identity crisis would have been solved.  But no, we've got to have them locked in this absurd Mexican stand-off so Marduk can find them so Zukov can get to be the hero while Jack lies on the floor and looks stunned.  As opposed to standing up and looking stunned.  Either way, he's about as much use in the scene as a rock.

I'm terribly impressed to see Zukov get the chance to 'redeem' himself after acting like a slug for most of the episode, but last time I looked I was under the impression this program was about the four people whose names are on the opening credits, not the neatest, coolest, far more interesting than the members of SG-1 original character of the week you've come up with.  You sure do like writing for your OCs (and giving them much bigger, better roles than the ostensible 'stars' of the show) than you like writing for the team, don't you? I'll table elaborating on this particular theme until I come to the 'Mary Sue' section.

I don't care how interesting you made the substitute colonel I prefer the one we were originally issued with.  I'm funny that way.

Jack just lies there!  Sure, he's been whammied by a ribbon device, but he's been hit by them lots of times and it's never such a profound effect on him before.  This is also the second time (the other being after he was zapped in Beast of Burden) where he's seemed to take an awfully long time to recover - so much so - compared to Daniel in BoB - people were commenting about it.

Is our colonel getting a little 'past' it?  Slowing down in his old age (even though he's supposed to be only 45)?  If it's taking him so long to bounce back these days is it time he considered hanging up his P-90 because he can't do the rough stuff any more?  I certainly hope this isn't the impression you're trying to convey by putting Jack down for the count for so long in this scene, but I was more than a bit disturbed to see Jack rendered as completely ineffectual as he was for so long by a single blast from a ribbon device.  Hell, when he was ZATTED in Prodigy it didn't take him this long to get up and start running FCOL!

So, Zukov turns out to be a stand-up guy after all.  For about a second and a half and then he gets squished.  I'm not exactly sure why Zukov had to die in this one - other than the asking Sam on a date thing, that's my theory and I'm sticking to it -  except it allows Jack to play 'pissed off, wrongly accused of being culpable, you should have listened to me, morally outraged colonel' in the final scene.  Whatever.

And, hats off to Daniel for using his brain.  Sam wants to spill the beans, yet again, to Jack about the rings and he tells her 'no, not until we find out whether or not he IS Jack and not the Goa'uld.'  Good boy.  How to give solid tactical advice to the military member about the importance of withholding